wide range of emotions

This week I have experienced a wide range of emotions. The news we received about my mom having lymphoma has been such a shocker.

I have asked why my family again? I know I could not understand even if God told me.
I have been angry at the world. Why do you ask, I am not sure, but it feels better.
I have been sad.
I have been scared.
And as crazy as it seems I have even been happy and thankful. I know that seems odd, but without a happen chance visit to the ER we might not know this and it might have gotten a lot further than it has. Also things have seemed to fall into place for my mom to get the very best treatment and that is what I want.

So as we begin another trial (or as I am trying to look at it another journey for us to grow closer to each other and to God) we are just praying and hoping that healing will come to her body and she will be back to normal soon.

As I write this I would like to think that next year at this time I am going into hibernation from Christmas until Easter. My family has went through a lot the last five years during Jan. Feb., and March. I have lost my grandpa, an uncle, my great-grandma, my dad was diagnosed with cancer, my dad had a horrible experience with a doctor and ended up with a colostomy, another uncle diagnosed with cancer, and now my mom diagnosed with cancer all in the same months. It seems odd that these months can be so devasting. So from now on my calendar will go from December to April.

We know as a family that God is bigger than all of our problems and that He will get us through again. It is comforting to know that we have someone to lean on that doesn't care that I have all of the emotions listed above as He can handle all of those and forgives me for acting in these manners.

So for now, I need to get off my venting place and do some more research to make sure we do exactly right for my mom and to call her to let her know how much she is loved.